


Why? This is why.

by MoriartyDelighted



Series: Destiel Ficlets. [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressed Dean, M/M, love pronouncments, self worth issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 14:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6426862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoriartyDelighted/pseuds/MoriartyDelighted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has a really low self esteem and a really high amount of self worth issues. He asks Cas, his boyfriend of a year, why does he love Dean? Castiel answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why? This is why.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Crumbles_Of_Reality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crumbles_Of_Reality/gifts).



> Dean and Cas are both twenty one here.

"I don't understand, Cas, I just don't." said a very visibly distraught Dean.

"What exactly is it that you don't understand, Dean?", frustration  was evident in Castiel's voice.

"Why did you choose.. me? You could have anyone, Cas, why _me?"_ said Dean.

Castiel glared at Dean and said, "I have given you answers to this very question, a thousand times and I will, a thousand more, if that's what it will take for you to believe in your worth. But tell me this Dean, why are you so adamant in your belief that you don't deserve any good?"

"Because I don't, Cas, I'm a fuckup. I've never been good at... anything! Not at making my parents proud, not at getting into a good college, not at being a good brother, not at... being a good boyfriend to you-"

"Dean-", Castiel began, but Dean cut him off, "No stop, Cas, I know I'm not what you truly deserve, you're so much more than this Castiel, I'm tying you down, I'm only a hindrance to you in the long run, you are so much more worthy than me but I'm doing my best to make everything better, I promise I am, Cas,  but my best just ain't enough!"

Dean's voice rose to a high note and he paused, taking a deep breath, and continued before Castiel tried to interrupt his rant. "Sometimes, I just.. who am i kidding, most of the time, I feel like... ending all this.." Castiel's eyes widened, "... but then I think of you and Sammy and how it would affect you when I'm gone. But you've gotta understand, baby, ultimately you'll all be better off without me in your lives. I'm a shit person, Cas. Please stop. Please stop looking at me like that! It's fucking breaking me! Look at me like you hate me, despise me.. hate me, for fuck's sake! I don't deserve your love, please Cas-"

"Dean Winchester, you listen to me and you listen very well," began Castiel with a scary severity to his voice "I have never encountered a soul as beautiful as yours. No, you're not perfect, but on the contrary, you are human, perfectly so. It is not your place to call yourself worthless or a 'fuckup' to quote your words, because you don't see yourself in the moments you're truly you. You don't see yourself doing good , when you're immersed in selfless acts of kindness and love. _You_ sacrificed your education to ensure that your little brother had a bright future, _you_ worked and still works hard day and night to pay for both your needs,  _you_ passed up college because you were handling a two person household alone, by working ninety hours a week! And don't get me wrong, I have _not_ dropped the idea of getting you into Kale Univ next year with me." Dean made a small noise of protest, but from where he was pressed down on to the grass - his hands pinned to either side of his head, to prevent him from running away from him - he couldn't very well do anything else. 

"I don't know about you Dean, but to me, it seems that, foregoing all of your personal pleasures to ensure the happiness of your loved ones every single second, is you trying your best and spectacularly succeeding in it." Castiel stopped to take a breath, and Dean interjected, "Stop it, Cas, you're making it sound as though I was some sort of a freaking saint-"

"Did I say you could talk, Dean?", Castiel asked with an edge to his voice, making Dean essentially fall silent.

"Now to asnwer your original question, why do I love  _you?_ I love you because you are _you_ , because of the way you make me feel, happy, content, worthy, beautiful... _loved_. I love you because of the way you smile and shakes your head at the silly things that I do.. Because of the way you catch yourself doing stupid things and laugh at them.. The way we can communicate with just our eyes, how we speak without words..." Castiel paused, and smiled to himself as he continued, "I love the light in your eyes, I love the way they sparkle when you're thinking of doing something particularly mischievous,  whether it's putting beetles in Sam's food or planning to douse me with water collected in the tree branches...I love our little midnight walks, Dean, the conversations about crappy music and the occasional bursts of crazy science talk. You put up with my weird habits, with all my shit, and you manage to show me everyday that you love me. So don't fucking think that I'm here, in the shade of this big ass pine tree, with you, because I'm stuck or don't have a choice.

I had choices, Dean, and I chose you.   

I love you, Dean, Sam loves you. You are loved and cherished. Never forget that.

I'm in love with you, Dean Winchester. So understand me when i say,  I couldn't love you any less, even if it kills me." Castiel ends with tears in his eyes.

 


End file.
